


I Wish I Could Wake Up With Amnesia

by ElizabethMikaelson, kingwrites



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, tw: abuse mentioned, tw: suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-04-28 22:11:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14458860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizabethMikaelson/pseuds/ElizabethMikaelson, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingwrites/pseuds/kingwrites
Summary: After an attempt to end her life, once again, Cheryl Blossom is left with a severe case of amnesia, losing the last three years of memories. Which means that she still thinks that her and her now ex-girlfriend are still together, putting a strain on her relationship with Toni.





	1. I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted

**Author's Note:**

> Sup I'm Clarke and you're reading angst,,, anywho this is a co-author fic w/ my friend u can find us on the [discord server](https://discord.gg/FZkXsy2)

When you look at Cheryl Blossom you don’t see the broken girl, or really woman now, that there. Instead you see a strong and fierce girl who was in all way a bitch. Even now, three years after she had graduated college. But she was braking more and more everyday, but no one seemed to notice.  


It all starter two years ago when her and her now ex girlfriend, Toni Topaz, had broken up. Okay, in all honesty, it had starter a few months before that. Back in her junior year, the pink haired girl was the one that had saved her when she first felt like this. Now, she was the one that sent her over the edge. Was that one last thing that had destroyed her from the inside out. 

She was positive that their relationship was going to last forever, like every star-crossed lover, but this time she was sure. 4 years of falling in love with each other more and more everyday. Being that person the other needed in times of struggle. She was her anchor, but now she wasn’t there. She had no one to hold on to. 

Which had just made her worst. Began the same spiral that she had when her brother was shot and killed by her by her own father of all people. Except she wasn’t in the same situation as before, because her ex had made her take medicine and see a therapist. And that was honestly what she needed, but the second they broke up that stopped. Cheryl had canceled all her appointments and flushed her meds down the toilet. 

It was a constant reminder of what was there. Of what had happened in the last two years. One that she didn’t need, even if in reality it was the only other thing that was keeping her afloat anymore. That one thing that was stopping herself from ending it all. 

So, maybe that’s part of the reason of why she’s going eighty down an empty dirt road. And maybe that’s part of the reason why tears stream down her face as she did so, looking for something to crash into. Something to let her escape her own personal hell. To break physically, like her mother did, instead of just emotionally like her father. 

Maybe this was meant to happen all along, this time being no one to fuck up fate. There was no Toni or Veronica to try and save her from herself. She had long ago figured out that there was no saving her anymore. No matter how hard someone could try, there was no way she could be saved. She was a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off and now was her time to explode, taking herself with it. 

That’s why the second she saw a big oak tree she crashed her cherry red convertible into it. The top was down for one specific reason, besides the feeling of wind blowing through her curly hair. Which was to send her flying. To make her hit the tree at full force. To make sure that there was no surviving this time; because if she did survive, she would never forgive herself. 

After the crash her vision had quickly gone black, hopefully taking her out of this torturous world that she lived in. Hopefully ended everything for her after so many previous tries. That this would finally be the way that she went out.  

_Except that it wasn’t and she would **live** to see yet another day._

* * *

A frustrated groan escaped a certain pink haired tattoo artist when she heard the familiar sound of her phone. There was no way she had gotten enough sleep for her alarm to already he going off. So, she rolled off of her couch and stumbled into her kitchen, where her phone was charging. 

Yanking it off the charger her eyes hurt from the bright light shining from it. It was an unknown number calling her. At, she looked at the microwave clock, 3:28 in the morning. Normally she would’ve just ignored it and they could call her back in the morning, but she had a bad feeling in her gut. One that was screaming that she should answer the phone. 

“Hello?” Her voice is raspy with sleep as her questioning greeting comes out. There’s a familiar thumping in her head from the hangover she definitely had, but in her defense she didn’t have to go to work until two, the voice on the end not helping with it though.

She just wanted them to get on with why they were calling her. What was so important that she was being woken up for. “Ma’am this is NYC hospital calling.”

At those words, Toni froze a thousand thoughts and concern going through her head in seconds. Her mind was trying not to think about the worst, but she couldn’t help it. The only person who she could think that had her as an emergency contact would be her girlfriend. But she should’ve been working that night.

“What happened? Is she okay?” Her voice is frantic as she stumbled to the door, looking for her shoes. Concern had washed any thought of the pounding headache away and the sickness to her stomach, that was for a totally different reason now. 

Once she finds her shoes she going down the apartment stairs faster than she ever had, trying her best to listen to the other person as she did so. “There was an accident, she’s in surgery right now.”

Brunette hair, tinted with the signature light pink, fell into her face as she nodded. Quickly realizing that the other person couldn’t see her through the phone she let a small, quick “I’m on my way.”

She didn’t wait for a reply as she hung up on the nurse who told her this. The girl had no reason to talk to him anymore and she really needed to get to her girlfriend. Not pay attention to some person that was holding up her driving there. 

Throwing on her helmet she mounted her bike and sped off to the hospital. All thoughts of her previous hangover gone from the mind. Now they were all on getting to her girlfriend and making sure that she was okay. 

Her bike screeched to a stop outside the hospital, quickly abandoning it to run inside. Dark eyes were frantic as they scanned for a nurse. Someone to tell her what was happening, that she was okay. They lock onto her sister and before she know it her feet are taking her towards her. 

Tatiana instantly knows why she was there, but they seemed to be on different wavelengths at the same time. Like she knew exactly what was happening, yet there was some short of miscommunication. There was just that one thing off about it all. 

When Toni is led to a room she isn’t expecting to see who’s in the bed. Red hair was sprawled out over a hospital pillow, cuts and bruises adorning her perfect feature. This wasn’t who was supposed to be her. She was never supposed to see this person again. 

Now she was staring at her, laying in a hospital bed with no explication. The only thing she knew was that she was in a car accident. Nothing more, but it would be nice to know why she was still her emergency contact. Especially since they had broken up more than two months ago. She didn’t have friends after all, why weren’t they her emergency contact. 

Still, with an sigh, she sat down next to the bed of her ex-girlfriend. Except it was so much more than that. Ex-fiancée. Ex-soulmate. Ex-person. They had been so much to each other, but it all ended. At one point they both gave up on the dying thing they called a relationship. 

“Cheryl Blossom, you son of a bitch.” She mumbled, sinking in her seat as she stared at the truly broken girl. Wanting to know why this happened, or what was going through her head, if she would wake up, anything really. 

With one more soft sigh she leaned forward and placed her hand on Cheryl’s pale one, resting her head on the bed. Yeah, she had moved on but she wasn’t abandoning the redhead in this state. Once she was comfortable, her eyes slowly start to close as she tried to keep them focused on the other girl, but she couldn’t do it anyway.

It isn’t until a few hours later she wakes up. It isn’t until she feels a hand running through her hair and her name softly being said. It isn’t until Cheryl, of all people, is comforting her. 

“Don’t worry Toni. I’m okay, babe.” Those words that are being repeated are what wake her up. The words of her ex-girlfriend, that didn’t sound like she should be saying them. They sounded exactly how they did less than a year ago. Like when they were in a relationship. That’s how they sound, and all that goes through her head is, _**‘Shit.’**_


	2. I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm the second writer of this fic and me and my friend are gonna write this together, one chap them one chap me! I hope you enjoy this angst!

If you lived in Riverdale and you heard the world Choni, there were only two things that came to mind.

First, for the older people and those who didn't attend high school or weren't interested in people's lifes, it was the speciality of the most known pizza place. A peperchoni, or choni pizza was made with pepperoni and cheese. There were still some rumours that the pizza was created by a Serpent, but no one is sure of that.

Secondly, and most importantly, it's the name of one of the most famous couples in Riverdale, a power couple who had been together through everything.

Cheryl Blossom and Toni Topaz.

Both met in high school, and even if at first their interactions were mostly fights and bickering, no one could deny their chemistry.

It had took a stubborn Toni who understood Cheryl's pain and her big heart for Cheryl to open up to her, taking the first step in the start of what would be a beautiful relationship.

After that, it hadn't taken much for the two girls to get together, something not surprising but accepted happily by most of the people.

\------

Cheryl of course, still lived with her mother at the time. A mother which in all honesty couldn't be considered one.

Penelope Blossom was the prime example of how the one who gives birth to you doesn't mean is your mother.

A heartless woman who after the death of her son and then husband became even more heartless and abusive towards her only daughter, Cheryl.

But the abusive wasn't only psychological, which happened every day, like Penelope found happiness in making Cheryl hate her life and herself, but also physical. Cheryl couldn't remember the number of times where she could have gone to Toni crying and hurt.

So it wasn't suprising to anyone when Penelope was kept in the dark from knowing about this relationship. Well as dark as it can be kept from someone who lived in Riverdale her whole life.

However, Cheryl and Toni lived a quite calm relationship, supportive and loving towards each other, both loving to plan their future together.

\-----

"Morning Cheryl," murmurs Toni lovingly, breakfast on her hands as she looks at her naked girlfriend on her bed, who wakes up slowly, a smile appearing on her face when she looks at Toni.

"Good morning to you too." Cheryl leans to give Toni a soft kiss, who doesn't hesitate to kiss her back, both enjoying the softness of the moment.

Then Toni breaks the kiss and sits beside Cheryl's legs, placing the breakfast tray on her lap. Every time Cheryl would invite her over when her mother had left somewhere, Toni always made breakfast in bed for her. And Cheryl did the same when she went over at Toni's.

Cheryl starts eating, but doesn't hesitate to also feed Toni, who happily eats from her girlfriend's hands, enjoying the gesture of affection.

"What are we gonna do today?" asks Cheryl before she stuffs another bite of pancake on her mouth. Toni thinks for a moment before she shrugs.

"Honestly I don't have anything in plan. But if you want to I can take us for a ride to Sweetwater? The weather is fantastic too," suggests Toni, and Cheryl agrees with a nod, continuing to eat in silence.

Toni meanwhile spends her time taking out some clothes for Cheryl, having been with her girlfriend enough to know her fashion taste.

When Cheryl finishes breakfast, she goes to dress up while Toni takes the plate to the kitchen downstairs, waiting for Cheryl there until her girlfriend comes down after a few minutes.

The ride to the river is quite enjoyable, Cheryl clinging to Toni the whole ride and then complaining about the speed, even if both know that Cheryl loves the adrenaline she gets from it.

Both walk hand in hand to their favourite spot on the shore, where the girls sit down and continue a light conversation.

Cheryl knows Toni better than Toni might know herself. So she doesn't need much time to see that Toni is quite nervous about something which Cheryl doesn't know.

"Okay what is wrong?" asks Cheryl, cutting Toni off. The brunette looks at her startled, before she sighs and turns her body fully towards Cheryl.

"Cheryl... I..."

Cheryl expects a lot in that moment. Maybe she wants to break up, maybe she found someone better or maybe she-

"I got accepted with a scholarship to your university!"

-Got accepted in university _what_?

"You- you did?! Toni I'm so happy," says Cheryl, hugging Toni as hard as she could.

Toni grins and hugs her closer, her head nestled on her neck. She knew how much it meant to Cheryl that they both could attend the same university.

"I love you Toni." Toni smiles and kisses Cheryl's neck softly, closing her eyes to enjoy the embrace of her girlfriend.

"I love you too Cheryl."

However, they both couldn't imagine what turn things would take when a certain woman would hear about their relationship.

\------

"You foolish child. You really think you could have hid that dirty secret of yours forever from me?"

Cheryl honestly doesn't know what hurts more, her mother's slaps or her words. But she knows both are like arrows on her heart.

She knew that she couldn't keep her relationship with Toni a secret forever from her. She just hoped she was going to be far away when that happened.

"Mother I-"

"Not another word from you!" screams Penelope, making Cheryl curl even more on herself.

"I demand you break up with that low snake right now or-"

"Or what mother?! You will kill me like Daddy killed Jason?!"

This time, the slap came from her hand with rings, making Cheryl gasp when she feels the blood from her cheek.

"You will not say your brother's name you dissapointment. You either break up with that thing or I won't pay for your education and you aren't able to get your will until you are 21."

Cheryl glares at her mother. She knew that for Cheryl her education was important and also a way to get away from Riverdale and all. The same about her will.

"Fine. Guess I'll let you feed yourself with my sadness once again you excuse of a mother," is all Cheryl says before she turns and leaves towards her room, calling Toni as soon as she closes the door.

"Cheryl? Is everything okay?"

"You need to come over right now."

\----

Toni takes off her helmet as she looks at Cheryl, who is standing outside of Thornhill. She runs towards her girlfriend but she stops when Cheryl raises a hand.

"We need to break up."

Toni feels like her whole world is crumbling under her feet, and all she can do is just look at it.

"What...? Cheryl what are you saying?" asks Toni, her eyes trying to catch something on Cheryl's eyes.

And she does, she sees Cheryl's distress and how her eyes are watering. If this didn't send alarms to her Toni would be lying.

"I don't want to be with you anymore. I have a life ahead of me and I don't want you to ruin it," says Cheryl, her voice as cold as the harsh winter, but her eyes pleading to Toni.

Only when they move on Toni's right and then towards her again, Toni looks quickly and sees Penelope behind the curtains.

Toni connects the dots then. Cheryl's face which has a lot more makeup than her girlfriend usually wears, her pleading eyes but hard voice and Penelope. That excuse of a human being must have found out and made Cheryl break up with her.

Oh how Toni wants to kill her now.

"That's it huh?! You just break up with me? Well guess what Blossoms? Fine! Go find one of those stingy douchebags Northsiders for yourself."

Toni is glad Penelope can't see Cheryl's face, since a small smile appears on her lips at the insult they both use for the Northside guys and how Toni got everything so quickly.

Before Toni turns around dramatically, Cheryl mouths _P_ _lease call me later_ and Toni nods a bit to let her know she heard.

The last thing Toni sees as she leaves is Cheryl's tears rolling down her cheeks and Penelope opening the door with a wicked smile.

\------

They continue meeting in secret for the whole year. When Toni got accepted in university, both girls were enjoying their last summer before they went to university.

However, the whole meeting in secret thing had started taking a troll on Toni. What she didn't knew however, was that it took a bigger one on Cheryl.

Penelope had ears and eyes on their university, a place where every Blossom went generation after generation. So what they thought would be their heaven away from their fear of Penelope breathing down their necks now was once again turned in another Riverdale.

Toni loves Cheryl. If she had to choose between her own life or Cheryl's she wouldn't hesitate to choose Cheryl. But spending her whole university time in hiding until Cheryl became 21, so for another two years wasn't on Toni's list.

So that's why she stood before Cheryl, hands curling on the kitchen table.

"I want us to take a break," says Toni, eyes locked to her hands, knowing she wouldn't be able to look at Cheryl without crying.

"A break?" repeats Cheryl, eyes widened as she looks at Toni. Her sweet Toni, her amazing girlfriend who now was just looking at her hands with her shoulders down and just so tired.

"I can't keep this up anymore. I'm just... I love you Cheryl but I can't continue this any longer." Toni sees as Cheryl tears up and takes a step closer, but Toni shakes her head and wraps her arms around herself.

She knew it would hurt. She loved Cheryl, she really did. But this would just continue hurting them. Toni was tired keeping their love a secret.

"Please wait more. It's just two years then we can be free from all this," pleads Cheryl, running a hand through her hair.

She couldn't loose Toni. She couldn't. Toni was her forever, was the only person who loved Cheryl no matter what and the only person who Cheryl loved with all her heart.

"I can't Cheryl. I can't do this anymore. It's been one year now. Can't you understand?"

Toni can literally see Cheryl putting up her walls and it breaks her heart. She was the one who lowered them and now she was the reason why they were existing again.

"Not suprised you decided to leave me too. Not through thick and thin as you promised me huh Topaz?"

"Cheryl please-"

"No!" yells Cheryl, tears streaming down her face. If Toni didn't want her anymore, that was her choice. But Cheryl couldn't stay even one more minute with her in the same room.

"Get out, now," says Cheryl. Toni looks at her shocked, but she knows Cheryl enough to know she needs her time.

So Toni looks at her girlfriend (or wasn't Cheryl that anymore?) and turns to leave her dorm room.

Only when she is out of the room does Cheryl let herself break down, falling on her knees sobbing, not knowing that behind the door Toni is doing the same.

\-----

Days passed. Toni tried to talk to Cheryl, but all she got was just a closed door and silence.

Honestly Toni was tired of this. Why couldn't Cheryl understand Toni just wanted them to take a break? She loves Cheryl, but this situation was hurting her.

So Toni gives up, or tries to. Now Cheryl's number isn't the one most called on her phone and their pics aren't the one seen everyday by Toni.

Toni for once in her life, let's her brain rule her and not her heart. She follows her brain, who tells her to just move on, leaving her heart aside who just begs her not to give up on Cheryl and their love.

\-----

The last thing Cheryl thinks before she faints from blood loss is Toni's smiling face and open arms.

\-----

The last thing Cheryl remembers when she opens her eyes is Toni waking her up with a kiss in her dorm bed after one of their secret date nights.

Now she finds herself in a hospital bed and Toni looking at her shocked when Cheryl wakes her up with running her hand through her hair.

Why was Toni looking older? Why did she move away shocked from Cheryl's hand?

And most importantly, why the hell was she in a hospital bed?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For you to get a better look and thinking for the timeline, read this:  
> Choni got together at 16 years old. Then the fake break up before Penelope happened when they were 18 and ready to go to university. The real break up happened when they were 19 and Cheryl got in the accident when she saw 21.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chap and I hope I did a good job at it!


	3. And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thsi is kind of short so i apologize in advance lmaoo

Toni stared at her ex-girlfriend in complete shock, not sure what she was supposed to be doing in this situation. Why did she look so hurt when she pulled away from her hand, she was the one who didn’t let the Serpent take a break from always hiding something. The one who ended their relationship because one person needed a breather. Because one person just couldn’t keep their relationship a secret any longer. She had missed being so open about it, but now there was nothing to be open about. 

 

With a sigh she pushed herself out of the chair, leaving with Cheryl’s questioning stares on her back. They could talk after she figured out exactly what was happening in the moment and why the redhead was being so damn affectionate. Maybe she would call her girlfriend before she figured things out, get her take on everything. Afterall she used to be one of Cheryl’s closes friend in life, didn’t matter if they hadn’t talked in months. 

 

Instead she goes to find the doctor, needing to know what had happened before she could fully approach the situation at hand. There was a crash and Toni’s best guess was that she had to have amnesia or she was playing some kind of sick joke on her. Neither of the two were preferred by the brunette, but if she had to choose she’s take the latter. Cheryl having amnesia would not be good for either of them or their mental health. 

 

Finally locating the doctor, she told her everything that had happened since the redhead nightmare had woken up from her sleep. The doctor only nodded at her words before brushing past her with some nurses to go check on her. Which meant that it left her alone to contemplate about everything that had gone wrong in the last few months of their relationship, even if she had moved on from them. Clearly her redheaded ex still hadn’t. 

 

* * *

 

 

_ With a nervous sight, a pink haired girl tried to calm down her nerves. She was only nineteen but she wanted so badly to spend the rest of her life with Cheryl. For her to be the one she saw the first thing in the morning, or getting to tell the world that her wife was coming. Yet, she was still nervous that the redhead would reject her, even after all that they had gone through over the years.  _

 

_ She paced around the shared dorm room not sure where else she should it. Cheryl always told her that as extra as she was it was simple thing that she enjoyed when it came to romantics. So, maybe that’s why she had been able to thrive off of only having simple things in her relationship. Toni never being able to do anything truly big for her when she wanted to because everything had to be kept a secret from the world around them.  _

 

_ That might have been eating away at the brunette but she wanted to spend her whole life with Cheryl so badly, it was by far the scariest thing around. Well that and the fact that she could get rejected… maybe this was a stupid idea. Maybe she shouldn’t be proposing when they had to keep their relationship such a secret from everyone around them, except for a select few people. \ _

 

_ But every part of her was yelling ‘fuck it and fuck her’ so she did propose. She cooked Cheryl the best meal that a broke college student could cook: macaroni and cheese. After they had eaten they had taken a walk through the campus park. Hand and hand, she used something stupid do distract her then girlfriend from what she was doing.  _

 

_ All that she remembered though was the grin that took over her cherry red lips when she realized that she was being proposed to. “God where do I start…” Toni had spent a good month trying to perfect the speech she wanted to give with her proposal. Yet, the nerves had gotten to her and she ended up fumbling over her words.  _

 

_ “Cheryl Blossom you might have been the best thing to ever happen to me. You always say how I was the one to save you but you have no idea how much you saved me. There was so much that I went through and you were my constant. The one thing that kept me afloat while everything had gone to complete shit.”  _

 

_ “When I look at you, all I can think is how I want to spend the rest of my life with you. How every morning I want to wake up and see you. I want to be the one you always can rely on, no matter what the fuck is going on. You are my heart and soul. The reason that I know what true love is. What a soulmate is. So… will you marry me?” _

 

_ The grin that grew on Cheryl’s beautiful features when she asked the question. Three of the biggest words that she had ever said in her life, made everything they had gone through worth it. She remembered the tears that were streaming down both of their faces like it had only happen a week ago. So much about that night was ingrained in her memory, the night of pure perfection. When she thought that nothing else could ever go wrong. _

 

 

* * *

 

Shaking her head, Toni tried to bring herself from that awful train of thought. That’s where he ex-fiancee thought they were in their relationship. That they were happily engaged. Like nothing had wrong in the last two years, when in fact both of their lives had been changed drastically. 

 

With a soft sigh she found herself walking back to Cheryl’s room, not sure what she was going to say. All she knew was that if her ex had amnesia or whatever the fuck this was she would have to help in some way or the other. There was no way that she was going to let her suffer through this. It would be insane. Plus she’s pretty sure she read somewhere that the best way to help someone with amnesia was to remind them of things, but also support them in the current place of mind. 


	4. if what we had was real how could you be fine (cause im not fine at all)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for not posting these months but i passed a lot of stuff! also writer block sadly. i promise ill update on time now on!!! tell me what you think about this chapter! thank u for ur time!

When Toni was 17 years old, living together with Cheryl Blossom and having her call Toni baby was a dream which she would sell her soul for. For a bit, during their short time together in university, this had been achieved, but the fact they had to hide their relationship from everyone and also having to visit to each other in secret, didn’t let her enjoy this dream come true.

 

Now she found herself in a similar predicament, Cheryl sitting shotgun in Toni’s car, her brown eyes looking outside, deep in thoughts, but also towards Toni’s direction sometimes. This was something that deep inside, Toni had missed. But she and Cheryl were exes now, they had 2 years without even seeing each other, their talk only the occasional small messages once or twice a month.

 

“You seemed tense the whole time at the hospital,” whispers Cheryl, her head now leaning on the seat, eyes looking at Toni. The brunette clenches her hands around the steering wheel, choosing on not to reply.

 

“I know I have amnesia Toni. If you haven’t forgotten,” both girls chuckle at the unintentional joke, “I did get a university degree on medical sciences.”

 

“The doctors said you had only forgotten faces and memories related to people of these 3 years,” replies Toni instead, making Cheryl nod her head in agreement.

 

“Have we broken up during these three years?” Toni nearly chokes on air as she makes a turn, looking at Cheryl shocked for a moment. Cheryl raises an eyebrow at her, a sad smirk on her lips.

 

“I know you Toni. And I saw how shocked you were when I called you babe. Now reply to me Cha Cha, have we or have we not?”

 

Toni lets a small smile escape at the familiar nickname, before it falls and she nods her head, Cheryl looking at her scared, before turning away, closing her eyes shut.

 

“I’m sorry if me hurting you was the cause. And I’m sure that I would think the same even if I remembered anything from these past three years,” says Cheryl softly, and even if Toni notices how her voice cracks a bit, she doesn’t say anything.

 

The rest of the ride passes in silence, until Cheryl finds herself standing before an unknown house. It looked quite nice and the walls were painted a faint red on the outside, the windows white and blocked by some white curtains.

 

“Come on Cheryl, let’s get you settled in,” calls Toni, already opening the front door while Cheryl stood on the porch. The red head shook her head to get rid of the slight pain she got from looking at the house.

 

It was almost like she had seen this house before.

 

“It’s not as messy as your dorm room I can say that,” says Cheryl with a small smile, Toni playfully glaring at her from the kitchen, a glass of cherry juice on her hand. As soon as she fills another glass, she walks at Cheryl, giving it to the girl who accepts it with a small ‘thank you’.

 

Both girls stand in the middle of the living room drinking their glasses, until they finish them and Cheryl takes the glasses on the kitchen, placing them on the sink. Then she walks after Toni,   
following her to what looked like a guest room. There was a bed on the corner, a window beside it and a table on the other corner. The white color of the walls made the room look inviting and warm, not like the rooms back at Thornhill.

 

“Have I ever been here?” asks Cheryl, her eyes taking in the room, before turning to look at Toni who only looks at her surprised. The brunette nods her head and walks to stand beside her- ex? Girlfriend? Toni really didn’t want to go into details right now.

 

“I- You bought this house for us. You knew the owner since you saved his child with doing CPR on him. He agreed to give us this house in exchange of you giving him the money when you got your inheritance. After we… After we broke up you let me have this house,” explains Toni, a melancholic look on her face.

 

Cheryl only looked around before she smiles at Toni, a smile which idly reminded Toni of the Cheryl she talked to when she got this house for herself.

 

“Well at least I did something good back then too,” replies Cheryl, before he moves to set her bag on top of the bed. Toni only watches her from the middle of the room, before sitting on the small couch the room had and continuing looking at Cheryl who was unpacking.

 

“Why did we break up?” whispers Cheryl after a bit, shaking Toni from her thoughts. The brunette kept her silence for a moment, eyes stuck on Cheryl’s back.

 

“I- I broke us up. Your mother had people here and we were forced to hide us.”

 

“After our fake break up right? She told me she wouldn’t pay for my university if we were still dating.” Toni nods her head at her words and Cheryl turns around and sits on the bed, eyes catching Toni’s.

 

Both girls only look at each other in silence. It had been some years, 3 years since they had really looked at each other like this. They had been best friends and then girlfriends and then more than just that, even if Cheryl didn’t remember now. Toni was scared of the feelings she got when she looked into Cheryl’s eyes. She felt like she was 16 years old again and looking at Cheryl Blossom for the very first time. And she tried to move from that, tried and tried and cried only so her world wouldn’t focus on Cheryl.

 

And now, all came back and all Toni wanted was to crawl in a hole and hope that the love she felt and still feels about the confused girl before her would disappear and that she could breath free and not feel like drowning.

 

Ever since she broke up with Cheryl when they were 19 Toni felt like she was drowning without an anchor or someone to keep her up. Only drowning and drowning-

 

“You can go outside if you need some air Toni. I know this situation might not be ideal for you too,” says Cheryl with a small sad smile. Toni looks at her shocked, forgetting that there was a reason why she and Cheryl had taken the initiative to be something more than just girlfriends. Cheryl knew her like she knew the back of the hand, just as Toni used to know her.

 

“Thank you. And I’ll cook something for you. I know hospital food is the worst thing in the world,” says Toni before she turns to leave, closing the door behind her.

 

Only then does Cheryl move, locking the door before she lets herself fall on the ground, tears spilling from her eyes. 

 

She didn’t remember anyone or any memory from the past three years, and now she lived with the love of her life who apparently had broken up with her two years ago. The only hope she had right now was that of her memories returning and maybe even being with Toni again, now that she wasn’t under her mother’s control anymore.

 

But for now all she could do was cry, cry for what she lost and cry for what she maybe not achieve anymore. Little did she know that Toni was crying too, eyes shut and thinking how she could live without falling again for Cheryl, the girl who stole her heart and never gave it back.

**Author's Note:**

> So the next chapter is gonna be written by my friend,,,


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